January 2002
Computing for the Bewildered. By Bill Hayles
Hello again.
Viruses have been rearing their ugly heads again, so before I get down
to the main topic of the month, it's worth repeating the basic advice
as to how to avoid being infected:
DO use an up-to-date anti-virus program. Which one isn't important,
but it does need to be updated frequently - once a week is sensible.
DO use an e-mail client which handles attachments separately from the
main e-mail, or at the very least, won't open an attachment without
your agreement.
DON'T open ANY attachment, even if it's from somebody you know, even
me!, if the message body is blank, or doesn't make sense, or you
weren't expecting it. E-mail the sender back to check whether the
attachment is genuine.
That way, you stand the best chance of your computer staying clean.
Now on to the main topic of the month. We've been getting very serious
and heavy recently, so I thought it was about time we had a bit of fun,
and took a look at some of the more off-beat sites to be found on that
repository of all human life, the Internet. If you don't have a
computer connected to the Internet, it's a good excuse to get along to
your local Internet Cafe or Shop and start playing. If you have any
favourites that you think I should know about, why not let me know.
Computers are supposed to fun (so they tell me).
Real viruses are bad enough. However, many so-called viruses turn out
to be nothing more than hoaxes. After you have read
http://www.stiller.com/hoaxa.htm
Can you honestly say you wouldn't have fallen for any of them?
Did you hear the story of the person who bought a new computer, put it
together, started it up and then got stuck because they couldn't find
the "any" key? This and many tales like it are told at the Computer
Stupidities page:
http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/
Mind you, the brain of the computer expert works in some most unusual
ways. Try
For size and, no, I'm not going to tell you what bofh stands for.
You'll have to work that one out for yourself.
Have you ever misheard song lyrics, thinking Desmond Dekker was singing
"Oh, oh, me ears are alight" when what he was really singing was "Poor
Me, Israelites"? If so
is for you, being a hilarious collection of misheard lyrics, including
the web site title from Jimi Hendrix.
Have you ever wanted to play Mornington Crescent with the real experts
- the panel of "I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Clue"? Well, now's your chance,
at http://www.morningtoncrescent.org, where you can join Humph,
Samantha, and the crew in a treasure of all things Crescent-shaped. If
you think you're a first division Crescenteer, all the action takes
place in our newsgroup
news:uk.games.mornington-crescent
If you think *my* web site (http://personal.billnot.com) is badly
designed, it's got nothing on the websites featured in
Some of these sites have to be experienced to be believed.
For everything that's off-beat, kooky, weird or just downright silly,
try http://www.stupid.com. Although this is a commercial site, there's
enough free stuff to keep you amused for hours.
Another commercial site (they want you to buy their book), but again
with enough content to make a visit worth while is
Where you will find described the silliest patents ever granted. I'm
particularly fond of the Cow Gas Measurement Device.
You've probably heard of Dilbert, issuing silly orders. Here's a
website of real life Dilberts.
http://philski.iwarp.com/dilberts.html
There's quite a lot else on that site, as well. The home page is
A lady with a particularly weird sense of humour can be found at
But please don't take her too seriously.
Some books are too long. You might want something shorter. The
shortest are listed at
http://winn.com/bs/shortbooks.html
Finally, strictly for broadminded and adventurous ladies, try
http://www.restrooms.org/standing.html
What worries me is that I think they're serious!
If you have a question you'd like me to answer in the column,or maybe
an idea for a topic, please e-mail it to
questions@billnot.com, If you don't have e-mail, you can
always leave your question at the CopiShop. However, I can't guarantee
to answer questions personally.
My sessions on the Internet continue at the Oasis Centre. By the time
you read this, we will have decided what shape the Spring sessions will
take. I'm hoping to do some sessions on how Windows works, and basic
housekeeping, as well as holding surgeries where you can bring your
sick computers in for a M.O.T. If Clive will forgive me mentioning it,
up to date details can usually be found in the "Social Scene" section
of the Costa Blanca News. The next session will be on 19th January
Happy surfing, and, if you have been, thanks for reading this.